personalities.

It happened. Delaney is now one year old.

It was fun. We threw a party. I over-exhausted myself on Pintrest party projects. Homemade invites. Homemade birthday decor. Homemade cupcakes & smash cake. This list goes on and on. Now that I think of it, I really am just a bit off my rocker. But that's another story.

Anyway...all that effort and the little lassie didn't even touch her smash cake. In fact, we attempted the cake twice (once for party go-ers & once for our little family) and the kid just wouldn't have it. She even slept through the first half of her party! Oh well, so goes the life of the hopeful mom. You can dream, but you just can't predict what kids have up their tiny sleeves.

Which leads me to the goings-on in our little abode. With D's first birthday under wraps, personalities are popping in this household. Delaney is on the move & jabbering "like a monkey in a tree". Depending on the big sister's mood, this may or may not sit well with Miss Emmersen.

Emme is a very good big sister. For the most part, she wants to be with Delaney. I can already see they are going to be great pals someday. But as sisterhood goes, we love to hate our sister. Emme is watching TV, Delaney turns it off. Emme is brushing a doll's hair, Delaney crawls over and grabs the brush. Emme's munching on Goldfish crackers, Delaney upsets the bowl trying to get in on the snack. All day long I hear the big sister cry, "Maaam! Delaney's doing (X,Y or Z)! Get her!!!" It's my own personal show of cat & mouse. I really can't help but snicker at the whole situation.

Emme is a "leader" as her teachers have labeled her. In layman's terms it means she is just plain bossy. She demands a lot from folks, especially the ones who love her most. My own mom gets a kick out of this and tells me my big girl is my "pay back".

Yes, Emme & I are two of a kind. Delaney, on the other hand, is so mellow I sometimes wonder how I gave birth to her. For the most part she is content as long as she has company. However, I have begun to notice that Delaney may have a sneaky side to her. She is starting to realize that certain things will get a rise out of her big sis and she does not hesitate to act. Today she took advantage of Emme's open closet and pulled the majority of Emme's hair bows off of the organizer on the closet door. I swear steam came out of Emme's ears. Delaney just sat on the floor and smiled at Emme then giggled and moved onto a new activity.

Sisters. XO my little buddies.

you never can tell.

It's the little, day to day things:

Waking to Delaney calling "Ma?" and shaking the side of her crib. Emme's bedhead & frilly Tinker Bell nightgown. Scurrying to make the coffee, let the dog out, warm the big girl's apple juice, feed the dog, nurse the babe, make breakfast, all bodies dressed & clean and out the door by 8:30am.

Emme serenaded me during our morning run with a song about pooping and picking your nose. Delaney says, "Wawa" and points to her water cup. Watched Emme crab-walk along the sidewalk collecting "are-corns" (acorns). Deep breaths through Emme's first tantrum of the day - Delaney figured out how to turn the TV off and on while Emme's watching it.

Enjoying a bit of peace while rocking the babe before laying her in her crib to snooze. Trying to accomplish way too much during nap time.

Gymnastics in the basement. Emme completes a cart wheel. Delaney tumbles out of her squishy, monogrammed Pottery Barn chair. Too much laundry. Too many dishes. Too many unfinished projects.

A ride in the car to test out new car seats. A visit to Nan Nan & Pop Pop's. Emme demonstrates more gymnastics...in a dress...going commando.

Delaney's hearty appetite leads to her diaper stinkin' up the entire house. Two little naked bodies in a bubble bath. Naked dancing post bath.

Bed time. The scent of Johnson's baby wash when I kiss Delaney's forehead. The quiet sound of Emme's breathing as I kiss her cheek.

Walking around the house to survey the damage of the day. Sit down at the kitchen table and feel grateful because, well, you never can tell.

let it grow.

In two weeks my baby girl will be a year old. I watch her welcome each day with a wide, toothy grin. Her excitement discovering how the world works is astonishing. Her spirit has not yet been jaded by society.

This cloud over my head is all too familiar. If memory serves me, this storm brewed about the same time three years ago. Emme was about to turn one. I had survived my first year of motherhood with only a few "scars". I vowed I would not repeat the same rocky steps the next time. I vowed I'd be a more balanced mom. I vowed I'd not only make my kids the priority, but my self & my relationships a priority as well. I vowed I wouldn't let my desire for mommy perfection take me over. And yet I find my self stumbling, again. Damn.

I began this blog for my girls. I wanted to journal all the good, all the funny, all the crazy, all the little moments that would have been left to a fuzzy memory (if luck was on my side). I wanted something I could hand to them when they are older, perhaps on the brink of becoming a mom them self. I wanted something they could read through and shake their heads and say, "Did I really do that?!" I know how much my sisters & I laugh over stories of our childhood. I wanted to guarantee my girls have the same belly laughs. I want to have the same look of pride & contentment I see on my own mom's face after she has revealed a little treasure of the past and my sisters & I are roaring, tears streaming down our cheeks.

But the more I write, the more I am compelled to write all the stories- good, bad, even ugly. So here it is my sweet girls...it's not easy. I want to be everything to my daughters - protector, teacher, adviser, playmate, role model, friend. I want my girls to reminisce about their childhood and say, "Yeah, mom got it right." But it  takes time. It takes stumbling to get things right. I'm still very much a novice at this whole motherhood shin-dig.

However, through the stumbling and fumbling and grumbling don't lose sight of yourself. Don't lose sight of what's truly important - human nature. It is our nature to love & be loved. Forget the trivial. A house will never be perfect, people will let you down, making ends meet is never easy - but don't use these things as excuses. Trusting yourself is one thing, finding trust in others is a must. I'm learning to accept that it does "take a village" to raise a child. I'm learning that being hard only hurts your heart, it doesn't keep you strong. I'm learning to open doors, let folks in. Grow.

"Time is getting shorter and there's much for you to do.
Only ask and you will get what you are needing,
The rest is up to you.
Plant your love and let it grow...
...Love is lovely, let it grow."
-Eric Clapton