I can't stop it.

It's been a while. Over a year, actually. A lot of life has happened. Great moments, memorable ones. Moments of pure and utter joy. Moments where I feel like I'm getting things right. Really crappy, almost unbearable to wade through hard moments. Moments when my shoulders collapse and my head falls in my hands as I fight to hold back tears of disappointment in myself. And just spending the time moments. Moments I should have paid more attention to instead of the attention I was giving the to-do list. Moments I wish I could have a "do over". But that's not how it works, right? Time never stops.

My oldest starts kindergarten next week.

I have had a lump in my throat since I received the first email regarding the upcoming school year. I'm not ready. Not ready to let go. It may sound crazy, I know. I know parents who are ready to pull out the pom poms. They can't wait to see that yellow bus grinding up the road. I'm a bit freaked out.

Worry.

I worry if I did a good enough job teaching her about the hows, the whys, the whats, the whens. I worry I modeled the right way to be a good person & friend. Compassion, strength, empathy, confidence, understanding, willingness, honesty, grace, integrity. Did I do it right? God, I hope I did it right.